Commentary From The Couch - Blues vs. Hawks | Thebigtip

One of the most anticipated clashes of the year! Two of the competitions best midfields going head to head, Ali Foreman/Frasier, The Wire vs Breaking Bad, it’s a heavy weight of two of the AFL’s superpowers.

The midfield matchups are as mouth-watering as a yiros (or kebab, depending on where you are) at 2.30am after a skinful of booze, as you stuff your face with garlic sauce watching scantily clad women wander by, hoping your night mate end with some action, if said scantily dressed woman is as drunk as you. Ahhh yes… Friday night footy is back, its been a month since I watched a game live having been overseas, and what more could I ask for!

A  battle within the war, Judd vs Hodge, two of the great leaders of our game, mercurial forwards, stout yet questionable defences, rising stars, this has the makings of a classic. Invariably however, I will be let down, but not emotional attachment to either team and no wager on this, augers well for a perfect night at the home of football - my couch!

So with out further adieu, Art of Sport bring you Commentary From The Couch.
 

Pre-Game

Channel 7 persisting with having the ‘guest commentator’ who adds nothing to the coverage  and provides almost no insight or analysis.  The regular 7 host commentators ask leading questions that we all know the answer to. Are these players contracted to do this, surely they would much rather be at home, must be like community service for not paying parking fines.


First Quarter

18.45
Yarran’s first kicking mistake for the year?  Must be a huge game, players skills awful early on.

16.49
Josh Gibson (whose record with the fairer sex is said t be legendary), strong in the conest, has stood up this year playing as a key defender when he is probably 6 inches too short for the role. A good match on Walker tonight though.

15.19
What was Hodge doing? Unless Vodka Cruiser is the fastest man in the AFL, no awareness by Hodge, appeared to be going in slow motion.

14.35
Wonderful foots-kills by the Hawks to give Buddy the shot at goal. Early game nerves seem to have settled. Budd fails to register a score.

14.00
Nick Duigan would have been perfect for 1950s football, mongrel punts, an awkward running style and a sensible hair cut. Eddie Betts continues to play with board shorts for some reason. I am no sport-scientist, but I would have thought footy shorts may be more effective.

12.05
Hang on, went to early on the skill improvement. Just saw Henderson, is that guy still playing?

10.50
Goal to Walker, superb finish. from an inexplicable error in defence. The 7 point play after Gartlett fails to make the distance from a questionable umpiring decision.

9.56
You would go a long way to see Suckling kick a footy. The best kick in the game? He must be close.

9.30
Buddy, brilliant. A rare handball from a forward sets up Smith in the goal line, Hawks finally on the board.

9.07
Superb team goal by the Hawks. Rioli flies around that forward line like a seagull at the beach.  He must not make a sound when he runs, no one ever seems to know he is there.

8.50
Birchall’s first touch, I thought he must have been a late out, which has reminded me that I am playing in DT final!

8.05
Isaac Smith is a very impressive youngster, do the Hawks have the best crop of young talent in the business, like a high school in Sweden.

7.44
Scotland, usually a superb user…miskick. The blues have some ungainly defenders, Duigan, Henderson, Laidler and Robinson. Judd having no influence. Hodge on the other hand looks to have brought his own Sherrin.

6.32
A bizzare passage of play culminating in Betts missing a sitter? I would like to see the stats for unrealistic attempts at a mark, Walker would head this by some margin.

5.48
Goal to the Hawks, appears they are playing half forward up the field creating plenty of space in the forward 50 for Buddy.  Hope you have bought your soap Hendo, appears you will be getting a bath tonight.  

4.13
Henderson silences this writer of this piece with some superb defensive play, rebounding the Blues inside 50.

2.54
Buddy is up and about! Magnificent Lance, I wonder if any one actually calls him that. Which has just reminded me of another Lance of the red-headed variety, Whitnall, the slowest smartest footballer since John Klug, the Crows Centre Half Forward in 1991.

Hawks defence standing up well. The Blues have gone inside 50 enough to be leading this contest, but poor disposal to their forwards has been terrible.

I am really looking forward to what Nick Riewoldt has to say at Quarter time… no doubt it will be something the TV audience has not thought of.  Here we go, give us something Nicholas. Ah yes, brilliant ‘both team getting plenty of it’.

John Barker! What! Assistant coach? Of what group... unless Carlton have a specialist group of players that flash in and out of games, ah yeah, they have…Jarred Waite, there he is.  By that reasoning is John Barker Jarred Waites personal coach?


Second Quarter

19.08
Rioli into the guts. Great move Ari Gol (Clarko), first centre break setting up Buddy for number 2.

18.47
A Jason Kiddesque look away handball by Cyril, is there a better player in the game to watch... yeah, maybe... Buddy again! Behind the stick. Buddy could have 5. Time to make a change Alfred e Newman (Ratten), surely Jamison eeds to mo=ve to Buddy before its too late.

17.01
Nicely worked Carlton. Patient buil up. Gartlett fails to make the distance, for the second time. Ends in a Hawk goal on the rebound. Buddy in plenty of space, bangs his 3rd. Where was Hendo…kick chasing up the ground.

15.25
Birchall, any chance of you getting a kick, couldn’t get a kick in a street fight. But I don’t blame you, I blame myself for picking you in the first place.

13.21
Gartlett... pack your things and get yourself home mate and see you tomorrow morning for some goal kicking practice. Misses a soda from 15 minutes with no angle to speak of.

11.29
Smith! Deserved a goal.  Superb rebounding corridor football by the Hawks. Playing like this for four quarters, they may trouble the top 2.

9.36
Hawks again, far too easy. As predicted in the introduction, this game was always going to let the football public down. A goal from yet another defensive rebound.

8.20
Gartlett, I thought I told you to go home. What was that kick. Here is the replay, a banana under pressure…left foot mate, left foot.  That’s the other one you have, next to your right one.

4.05
Warnock. Haha! Enough said. Were you caught in traffic and just arrived at the ground? Where have you been?

1.56
Bailey and Hale, (not exactly household names), doing a great job in tandem against Warnock and Kruezer. But then again, its Warnock.

1.00
This lad Smith. He has some toe.  I would like the AFL to orgnaise a sprint between lanky wingman/half backs/half forwards, it can be the precursor to a sprint between those players that seem to take steps which are too small (Leon Davis, Alan Didak etc). Yes, I have lost interest as the clock counts down to the long break.


Third Quarter

18.00
Jordan Lewis, superb…desperate dive on the footy, took it cleanly, jumped to his feet like a drunk falling to his feet infron of the police and he was away.  The Hawks back half have been brilliant tonight.

17.00
Mitchell, arguably having the best season of his career. Like Sachin Tendulkar, taking the captaincy off him seems to have paid handsome dividends.

15.34
A goal created from Hawthorn forward pressure. If this one wasn’t over at half time, it most certainly is now. 44 points up, Carlton have kicked one goal in over a half.

13.43
Tempted to flick channels, see what else is on. Right, SportsCenter on ESPN 2 at 10.30, (the game is on delayed telecast in Adelaide) however writing about American sports may not suit this particular piece (NFL preseason sports fans, meaning  season kick-off is just around the corner, and the College Football season closer still!)

10.24
Gartlett, finally! Nice build up by the Blues, Another 6 quick ones and the Blues are right back in this contest! (Tongue firmly in cheek readers). I cant wait for this to end! I wish I had a bet on.

8.58
2 in a row! Mitch Robinson bangs one home from 50. Blues on a roll here. Eddy Betts on the lead from a perfect Scotland kick. Betts misses. I assume the Hawks will hold on to the footy to stem the flow and take momentum out of the Blues mini-charge.  Appears I assumed incorrectly, the Hawks have not been able to get their hands on the footy.

5.46
Jamison! Looking like a forward. This game has sparked my interest again, thankfully. Good coaching by Ratten throwing Jamison forward to create a contest. Has brought the small forwards into the game as well. Blues with a flicker of hope, but only a flicker.

.13
Here they come. Another one to the Blues. Can they? Surely not. The Hawks appear to be running on the spot.

Its far too clichéd for Judd to pick the Blues up and carry his side over the line... again. He will need a ten possession last term, but has been unsighted for three quarters.


Fourth Quarter

19.33
Jamo! Misses to the near side. Quick interview with Sheeds, I wonder if Tim Watson will ask his former coach will how many players he will try and poach whilst he is in Melbourne! Nope. He didn’t ask him. If there over/under was 65, I would take the over.

14.58
An arm wrestle. Since Jamison’s miss. This will suit the Hawks, Blues need quick goals.  Mistakes creeping into the Hawks game, many of them forced by Blues pressure. Credit to Carlton who have lifted across the board.

13.31
And just like that Franklin takes the wind out of Carlton sails! Thornton’s sublime foot work sets up the Hawks goal.

13.11
Quick reply! Gartlett runs into an open goal. The Blues hanging around like a pesky neighborhood kid.

12.11
Can Blues supporters answer this honestly. Is Denis Armfield up to AFL standard?  He tries hard I suppose, but that’s like saying a girl has a good personality.

11.43
Did 4 time premiership coach and one of the games greatest ever players, Leigh Matthews, just say Henderson has done a pretty good job on Buddy? I am sure he said that. Hhhmmm.

8.16
Son of Ross, has missed two getable goals, unlike him, generally so efficient by foot.

7.40
Smith! You are a star. The first nail in the Navy coffin. Hodge has stood up in the last quarter for his side.

7.00
Strong contested mark by Jamison, who plays on for reasons only known to him. Snaps a behind.

(Missed 3 minutes with fathering duties.)

3.36
Great team goal Carlton, started at half back with Henderson (making me look like a goose in the process), 2 goals in it…plenty of time on the clock! What a turn around. This has all of a sudden turned into a ripper and and I struggle with bi-polar when watching football, as quickly as I lost interest, I have just regained it!

2.04
Gibbs misses yet another shot at goal which would have brought the Blues within a kick and like the cute girl looking at you across the bar, teasing you with her eyes and seductive looks, you might have thought you were a chance, but you weren’t. This one is over.

1.00
Isaac Smith again. Tremendous courgage. I have banged on about this kid haven’t I, yet have only mentioned Jordan Lewis once, who was superb for four quarters.


Post Match

Avergae game, made better by the fact the Blues managed to claw their way back. If you looked at the scores alone, you would have thought this game was played in the wet at Glenferry Oval, not under the roof at Etihad.