Pulse-a-Palooza: Push The Little Daisy and watch him come up | Thebigtip

How Collingwood won: Collingwood played a brand of football that was mesmerizing and mind-boggling. There were floating zones, there were set plays at stoppages, there were players running in all directions, there were countless interchanges, it was mayhem. I was wondering if this was the Phil Jackson Triangle Offense that had won 11 titles for the Chicago Bulls and the LA Lakers. It was not pure footy at all, in fact it was like watching that David Lynch flick Mullholland Drive where the ending turns all pear-shaped and you are so confused that you want to cry, but then you read what a genius he is.
Why Collingwood won: The above game plan, plus the NASA scientists advising their fitness routines were two major elements. But we face facts now, Collingwood just simply have the most talented team in the league. The fact that they left out 3 All-Australians who were not injured, plus a 50 goal a year forward, shows how loaded they are.

How St Kilda lost: Unsure if handballing to players who were already being covered was in Ross Lyon’s game plan. Also there was a mammoth drop-off when it came to their ability to run the ball through the middle. How many times did we see the Collingwood defense take uncontested marks.

Why St Kilda lost: They are supremely talented, but this was a team that lost badly to Essendon and also to Carlton. Whereas we know what to expect from Collingwood (120 minutes of pressure) and we know what to expect from Russel Crowe (30 Odd Foot of Grunt) we are left bemused or fascinated by the Saints each week. Also Luke Ball.

Why I am a genius: Collingwood was the team that were in 1st position on the Pulse Ladder more than any other team. Sage punters read the Pulse and make their selections. 

Why I am a goose: Was that Brisbane in 1st position after 4 rounds? I Must have been just a bit excited about the Brent Staker recruiting coup. And having Adelaide in at 3rd position as a pre-season tip… I was just thinking that they had one more year in them before they collapsed like a house of cards.

Brilliant Idea: Daisy Thomas accumulated performances over the 2 match series warranted him to take home the Norm Smith Medal. I did not need to hear how Pendelbury had lost 6 kgs with the runs before last weeks match.

Moment of the match: Heath Shaw stealing the candy from Nicky in the first quarter was redemption for his family name after the Rhyce Shaw in the pocket incident in 2002.

Moment of whimsy: When they showed the two bogans (or bevans for the Canberra folk) embrace halfway through the last quarter. I could care less that they had tattoos on their faces and ACDC t-shirts, it always is a joy to see people just lose their shit on national TV.  

Why Eddie is ok, not great, but ok: After his moodiness after Judd got the Brownlow, his General McCarthy rallying of the troops on the ground after the game last week, plus his unbridled happiness when the match was sealed, at very least he entertains us. 

Have a nice off-season: Sam Gilbert, Stephen Milne, Justin Kotschitke and Adam Schneider.  Stay away from the TV replays you poor souls.

Off-season shenanigans: Hearing poor form reports from the Collingwood team members at the Eve Nightclub. Why can’t they celebrate a la Denis Banks and Darren Millane and just hi-jack a bus or something. That is harmless fun.

Hold your head high: Brendan Goddard…. I don’t know how anyone will be able to stop this bloke next season. He is a wild beast in big matches

Do something with your head: Brent McCaffer… the balding at the front and curly shock of hair at the back is scaring the kids.

What Caroline Wilson really wants to write about: The tension between Mick Malthouse and Nathan Buckley. Wow. I know they must be both happy, but they are also so envious about each-other. I would think that they would have what is termed as “angry” sex afterwards to celebrate.

And what is with Lionel Richie: Ok so many people were impressed….. but I would have preferred Nicole Richie. What a fox! Or perhaps Greg Ritchie performing his timely and confusing and inappropriate Mahatma Coat routine. Or Lionel Rose doing a few rounds of shadow boxing… Or Australia’s Rose – Nikki Webster… what a fox!  Perhaps we could have rolled out Australia’s favorite Idol loser Millsey as well. I am sure that Paris Hilton would be green with envy to see him and Nicole Richie singing a duet.

 Is that it for the season?: No m’aam. We have the Shanghai Showdown in October where the Brisbane Lions and the Melbourne Demons will battle for the hearts of over 1 billion people. The Battle of Britain of 1987 redux.

King for a Day:
The 46 Champions:    All of whom played their guts out over the past two weeks, providing us with 4 hours of entertainment. We can make capricious comments all we want about the faults and fortunes and haircuts of some of the players, but that is all meaningless in the end and just words.

Fool for a Lifetime:
Me        No, I did not tip Milney for the Norm Smith, but I owe Collingwood supporters an extraordinary amount of money for bets made over the past 4 years. Plus after the match I handed my phone to the Big-Tip founder who proceeded to flirt with my mum for over 4 minutes. COME-ON!!!!